Divorce Journey Part Seven – My grandmother was a nurse for our local hospital. The term Code Blue did not come up often, but when it did, my sweet grandmother became serious and subtle. If you are unfamiliar with the term “Code Blue,” it is used in hospitals to indicate that a patient needs immediate resuscitation. As a result of my confession ( read Divorce Journey | Part Six ), my marriage was now a Code Blue. We needed help, and we needed help fast.
I had started searching for counselors a few weeks before the confession, and the early searching helped convey my seriousness of trying to save our marriage. Fortunately, I found a counselor, and we began to see if the pieces could be put back together. The next few months were stressful and painful. I didn’t know for sure if MyX would kick me out of her life or if she stick with me. We started to work towards each other, but the marriage was never the same. I had ruined her image of her longtime boyfriend and now was the marriage wrecking husband.
The counselor I had chosen was not helping as much as I had hoped. He had made her feel as if my poor choices were her fault. His accusations were very wrong and hurtful. She did not deserve to burden with guilt. I own my actions. Unfortunately, She did not own her’s.
My business was off and running. I had become a vendor for Starbucks coffee, and I was also playing in a cover band. MyX’s job was changing, as well. She was moving from an office manager to a traveling consultant. Between her travels schedule, my crazy hours of work and practice it was nearly impossible for the two of us to have any time together. She began to travel all over the country and to Europe. She enjoyed the travel. I was happy for her, but at home, I was miserable, lonely, depressed, angry, and broken. My mind, heart, and soul were fighting the guilt of a broken marriage. As a result, my life was lonelier than it had ever been before, but what came next made me regret ever living.
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