The Early Days
Divorce Journey Part One – I’ve always had challenging relationships with members of the opposite sex. It goes all the way back to Jr High School with the very first few girls that I thought were cute. But to be truthful, I was entirely scared to death of them. They were all very hyper and full of energy it seemed. I have always been pretty mellow rather than being the high energy, go-go-go, dude.
High school was different. I became more involved in student politics and pushing myself to be more than just a face in a sea of faces. For some, strange reason my 15-year-old mind told me that I should go big. Don’t just get involved, but aim for the presidency of the sophomore class. It seemed, to me, impossible, but I thought it might give me great experience to use for the main goal. That was to be the student body president of my Senior class. Little did I know, I would win the presidential election in my sophomore year. What now? My 15-year-old mind was, “Hey! I won!… Wait?! What?!?!” The high school spotlight was something I did not fully understand. To stand in its bright glare challenged my confidence. All of a sudden this spotlight had thrown me into the deep end of girls and relationships.
Dating became overwhelming at times through high school. Hyper-silly girls in junior high were now 17-18-year-old juniors and seniors. I had no clue about personal boundaries. The older girl’s persistence in pursuing a “yes” from the class president was overwhelming. Soon enough, I caught on that they were not really into me, but what I stood for. There was no doubt that I was the focus of attention and they wanted to share the same spotlight. I became very jaded to the idea of girls and dating in general.
Most of my “girlfriend” relationships would last only a few weeks, and a few lasted a few months. The result of the relational break-up pattern was very consistent. I could see they were not really into me and I would become very busy with school activities (Student Politics, Band, Athletics, Debate, etc..) to make it to all the requisite social functions to keep a dating relationship going. Most girls I dated had the same “type” of pattern that I could usually gauge as “this relationship is going to end soon”. The girls would lose interest in seeing me or would begin to show strong interests in another guy.
For some reason, I began to accept this as “this must be how high school works” and resolved to be a casual serial date for my high school years. It shaped my view of myself and how to set low expectations of what a real relationship should be.
This setting of low expectations would be my undoing in life for years to come.
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