Divorce Journey Part Nine – MyX returned from Holland and began to distance herself from me. Next, she began to avoid me on the phone, stating she’s busy or would make other excuses to dismiss me from her presence. Her actions put me on notice. I began to watch and listen intently to her words and actions. Also, I started by playing back the business trip she took overseas ( Read Divorce Journey | Part Eight ) to see if there was anything I might have missed. It didn’t add up. “What was I missing?” I asked myself. As I recall, the one thing I did hear a lot of was the two Dutch consultants, MrP and MrF.
Not long after their arrival, MyX began to focus her talk only about MrP and she, undoubtedly, made him out to be this very charming, amazing coworker of hers. I could tell MyX was very impressed with MrP. Because of this never-ending glorification of MrP, it triggered my defenses to began to cycle back to her old patterns of MyX “crushing” on guys ( Read Divorce Journey | Part Three ). It appeared that she might have had a “crush” on MrP as well. MyX crush radar went back online immediately, and I began to focus on MyX and MrP and his fantastic life.
July 4th, 1998
We were invited a month later to celebrate the 4th of July with some of MyX’s coworkers on Clear Lake, near Galveston Bay. The lake is about two hours drive from our home in west Houston. Even as we drove to the lake, the stonewalling and isolation continued. As we arrived in Clear Lake, I remember thinking that this could be a great evening to spend time together with MyX. As it turned out, I spent almost the entire evening by myself. I began to think there is something seriously wrong. Last month, the flowers were just okay, now celebrating the 4th with her and she wouldn’t even talk to me or sit next to me on a boat of 4 people. It was time to ask her about her feelings on the amazing MrP.
On the car ride home from Clear Lake, I asked MyX, “Are you in love with MrP?” This question seemed to have shocked her. Her face was troubled and alarmed. She had a look of, “How do you know this?”. I asked her again. “Are you in love with him?” This time, she could not ignore the question and said very matter of fact, “I don’t know.” My mind became a tornadic storm of questions. As my suspicions were confirmed, and my emotional world began to unravel, my mind was screaming, what?!
She demanded to know how I knew. “Did you read my email?” she snapped. I said, “No. He’s all I hear about, and I can read you when you talk about him.” As a result, my heart and mind were in full meltdown. I begged her not to leave me. You have never heard such suffering and desperate cries from a human, but my pleas of tormented desperation fell on deaf ears. I begged and pleaded for her not to leave me.
Forty-Eight hours after I asked her if she was in love with him, she said she would not leave me. I thought to myself, “Thank God!” I was so thankful to hear these words. Unfortunately, my joyous relief crumbled. What would come over the next few days, weeks, months, and ultimately, years would turn my suffering up to suicidal.
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