Divorce Journey Part Five – I began to play back all the steps that lead up to these mistakes [Read Divorce Journey | Part Four]. No more partying alone. No more hanging out with party girls. I avoided the same group of friends that were encouraging me to get even. Flirting with girls needed to stop ( I have to admit, I was a miserable failure at this one). Find some trustworthy guy friends to hang out with and stay away from the party scene. The plan was to stay safe from any compromising situations altogether.
Tempted more than ever
When I moved to OU, I joined the BSU. MyX and I had a couple of familiar friends from high school at OU. I made sure to hang out with them as much as I could. I had also found a group of guys to run around with instead of a bunch of partiers. Adding a group of guy friends worked well, but I would still find myself being singled out by girls. The temptations to stop by a girls dorm room or go have dinner was unending. I had calls from girls I had never met to come over at 12:30 at night. This had to stop! I was not that guy anymore!
MyX and I needed to see each other more often. I would travel to Baylor as much as I could, and MyX would come to Norman as much as she could. My emotional connection to MyX was beginning to wane. I didn’t want her to hurt me anymore, and I was fighting the guilt and shame of cheating. My heart and mind were emotionally broken. As strange as it may have seemed, I still loved MyX at the time. I knew that I did not want to cheat anymore, either. I focused on our physical relationship, and that made MyX feel like an object and she began to push her away. The brokenness was creating a downward spiral.
A Moment of Reflection
It truly breaks my heart to think about all of this now. Time and wisdom allow for clarity on what was happening back then. It was regrettable and excruciating. Things did become better when MyX changed majors and transferred instate to UCO. Her new school was only 45 minutes from Norman. I thought that this was the change we needed to put things right between us.
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