Do you find yourself separated on Valentine’s Day?
Do you find yourself separated on Valentine’s Day? In February of 2015, I was on the phone with “our” counselor. We were going into the 4th month of our separation with no real reason to think that we were going to reconcile. I remember asking our counselor if I should buy my then spouse a valentines gift or card?
As the great counselor that he was, he gave me the typical counselor response. “What do you think you should do?” I laughed and told him, “Well, what I would like to do is get her a Cactus, A half-inflated balloon, and a Get Well Card!”. He laughed as well. He and I had a lot in common. He really helped me prepare to be single again from day one.
You’ll be happy to know that I did NOT get her a cactus, balloon, and get well card. But, I really REALLY wanted too. I, instead, gave her a lovely card and sent a card on our kid’s behalf as well. She, in turn, did her typical separation passive-aggressive sociopathic nature and bought me nothing for Valentine’s day. I should have sent her the Get Well Card instead! LOL I can be bit passive-aggressive as well!
So what is one to do if they find themselves separated on Valentine’s day? Here are 5-tip I ask my clients to help them gauge what is best to do for them.
1.Do you still care? If you genuinely want to show you still care for them, by all means, send them a card or gift to show your affection for them. I would put a disclaimer that they may not feel the same or even refuse to send anything to you to show you how they think of you. This act of ignoring you or worse refusing to send you a card can sting a bit, but it’s actually a blessing. You would rather them be real with you then to patronize or lie to you.
2. Do you hope to reconcile? If you are still working on reconciling or hoping to reconcile, it is a nice gesture to send them a card to gift to make it clear you are still working on growing towards each other and not apart.
3. Are you not sure what you feel or where you are? If you are unsure where the relationship stands and you do not want to confuse the situation further, it may be best to hold off sending cards or gifts for Valentine’s day.
4. Is it over? If you know the relationship is over and there is no point in sending gifts or card, please do not send anything. You will want to send a clear message that you have not romantic connections left and that they should prepare to move forward without you.
5. Is this your nature? If it is just your nature to send gifts and cards, then do so cautiously. If this is merely a “nice” gesture that you are used to doing year to year, then make sure to keep the message you are sending to them at a platonic, friendly level and do not send a message of hurting, loss, missing, or wanting them back. This will allow them to receive your yearly gesture without “hidden” messages of hope.
If you find yourself separated on Valentine’s day, are you going to buy your spouse a Valentine’s day gift? Do you expect one in return?
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💙 2 U All | StrongerByTheSecond